Reevaluating Relationships

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always had secret crushes. I’ve always adored different kinds of beauties. People of all genders, colors, race, etc… sometimes I like a person because of their face, sometimes for their wit, some for their dedication, some for intelligence, and very rarely for their souls. But there was never a time I was the one who initiated the first move. Well, I do remember a couple of times: first was when I was in high school, he was really an achiever, smart, and respectful (also the first and last time I was rejected and I accepted it— it wasn’t a direct rejection but I could feel that there was no chemistry) — and then the second one was during my e-girl phase; he was truly committed to me. I couldn’t have asked for a better man that time. As much as I want to “decentralize” men in my life, somehow, they are always drawn to something about me. And I confirmed this when I learned about Astrology and Destiny Matrix. There is indeed an attraction level/program indicated for each person. As for me, unfortunately, it is indicated in my relationship zone. It’s in my blueprint to have attachments to these people. Unless I learn to detach (which I already know how), these people who haven’t healed themselves will keep on hurting me in different kinds of ways.

So, after that, I didn’t really mind other guys. My “MUs” and “BOYFRIENDS” were the ones who tried to “win” their way, but unfortunately, ended up being true to themselves. At first, I really set my boundaries. I say no multiple times. But there are just some men who take it as a challenge. They don’t have a concept of respecting boundaries. I’m not even attracted to those people, but they act like I am, they wanted my attention so much. Until they create promises and commit themselves out of the blue, for me. Commitment is such a really strong word for me. So if somebody says that, I make sure that person will commit to their words. And that’s when they get crazy— and also when I get called crazy. But who’s crazier? The one overpromising but underdelivering, or the one believing? I mean, I could believe a person for a hundred years. But I will only believe that person when that person truly believes in himself. Does it make sense? 

So, this 2024 has been a theme of reevaluation of my relationships. I do value and respect people by default. Even if I don’t know you personally, you already have my respect 100%. The quote, "respect is earned" doesn't apply to me. However, it decreases when you devalue me throughout our relationship. That’s how I approach relationships. Because I want to give people a chance to be better— even at the expense of compromising my identity, feelings, and value. Yep. Also based on my Human Design, my profile is an Investigator/Martyr; and it’s really natural for me to act like this. You’re lucky to not have this profile if you already feel sorry for me.

In short, I'm like a double-edged person. I can be good. I can be bad. Much like an anti-hero kind of thing. Could be a yin-yang. But whatever analogy I try to think of myself, it's really in my nature that people will have scattered ideas of me. Because I am transparent, just like water, also in its form. I can be clean, dirty, still, flowing-- it all depends on the energy you put into me. That's why most of the time, I prefer being alone. Because when I'm alone, there's only good, loving, and radiating positivity surrounding me. 

Hence, by studying myself through metaphysics (because I like to back up what I claim with scientific proof), I am able to speak out my truth, my love, and my life. I am able to set boundaries from people who have no good intentions about me. I can now find peace knowing that whatever I do, the universe (or me) will bring it x10 to the person (good or bad), and I have peace knowing that God has always been by my side. My creator created me really WEIRDLY, yet fascinating. I would love to talk more about how my "blueprint" made me love myself even more. It's not the conceited way of loving. It's just crazy how God created me. I'm not special. But it makes me believe that I am. <3