Revenge or Truth?

 

Revenge in Bible Verses

So awhile ago, my bestie and I talked over the phone. I only consider words coming out of her mouth because she has a pure heart. She was sincerely concerned to me and I really take her thoughts into consideration. She told me that I shouldn't waste my time to revenge because it's God's thing. I truly believe her, I do. However, I also pondered about myself. Have I always been revengeful or am I always just seeking justice or I just love telling the truth? Themes in my life has always been revolving around karma, trauma, and shadow work. I've only confirmed this when I started to study metaphysics. And looking back at the past, I've always been a good girl. I've always followed the rules, respected authorities, respected my seniors, teachers, always followed their teachings, and everything like that. That's why people are shocked when this chaotic side of me reveals. It's only revealed when people keep on pushing me to do things after I've clearly told them my boundaries. Some people just won't take no for an answer. For the most part, I just ignore it until it fades away. However, Saturn has this amazing way of bringing people back in my life until they have learned their karma. So, me, as a person ruled by Saturn, that's my recurring theme. People just won't stop appearing in my face until they have done their shadow work, however, some people don't learn until they're hurt. It hurts me to hurt them, too. Nobody deserves that. But the thing is, nobody defends me. Only me (and God). Nobody dares to get their hands dirty just to defend me. Only me. But personally also, when my loved ones are degraded and stepped on, I'm always the one stepping up and doing the dirty work to protect them. So, in my case, there's this recent thing that clicked on my brain. That maybe I should put definition on what revenge is and what isn't. Because I could totally wait for the time God will avenge me. However, I also highly believe in "speak no evil, see no evil, hear no evil." and sometimes, they only way they won't speak evil is when I say the truth. Because they will keep on pushing my buttons just to get what they want, while my peace is being disrupted. 

I highly resonate that what I did was far from revenge because I only spoke nothing but the truth. Hence,  “If the truth shall kill them, let them die” - Immanuel Kant

Reevaluating Relationships

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always had secret crushes. I’ve always adored different kinds of beauties. People of all genders, colors, race, etc… sometimes I like a person because of their face, sometimes for their wit, some for their dedication, some for intelligence, and very rarely for their souls. But there was never a time I was the one who initiated the first move. Well, I do remember a couple of times: first was when I was in high school, he was really an achiever, smart, and respectful (also the first and last time I was rejected and I accepted it— it wasn’t a direct rejection but I could feel that there was no chemistry) — and then the second one was during my e-girl phase; he was truly committed to me. I couldn’t have asked for a better man that time. As much as I want to “decentralize” men in my life, somehow, they are always drawn to something about me. And I confirmed this when I learned about Astrology and Destiny Matrix. There is indeed an attraction level/program indicated for each person. As for me, unfortunately, it is indicated in my relationship zone. It’s in my blueprint to have attachments to these people. Unless I learn to detach (which I already know how), these people who haven’t healed themselves will keep on hurting me in different kinds of ways.

So, after that, I didn’t really mind other guys. My “MUs” and “BOYFRIENDS” were the ones who tried to “win” their way, but unfortunately, ended up being true to themselves. At first, I really set my boundaries. I say no multiple times. But there are just some men who take it as a challenge. They don’t have a concept of respecting boundaries. I’m not even attracted to those people, but they act like I am, they wanted my attention so much. Until they create promises and commit themselves out of the blue, for me. Commitment is such a really strong word for me. So if somebody says that, I make sure that person will commit to their words. And that’s when they get crazy— and also when I get called crazy. But who’s crazier? The one overpromising but underdelivering, or the one believing? I mean, I could believe a person for a hundred years. But I will only believe that person when that person truly believes in himself. Does it make sense? 

So, this 2024 has been a theme of reevaluation of my relationships. I do value and respect people by default. Even if I don’t know you personally, you already have my respect 100%. The quote, "respect is earned" doesn't apply to me. However, it decreases when you devalue me throughout our relationship. That’s how I approach relationships. Because I want to give people a chance to be better— even at the expense of compromising my identity, feelings, and value. Yep. Also based on my Human Design, my profile is an Investigator/Martyr; and it’s really natural for me to act like this. You’re lucky to not have this profile if you already feel sorry for me.

In short, I'm like a double-edged person. I can be good. I can be bad. Much like an anti-hero kind of thing. Could be a yin-yang. But whatever analogy I try to think of myself, it's really in my nature that people will have scattered ideas of me. Because I am transparent, just like water, also in its form. I can be clean, dirty, still, flowing-- it all depends on the energy you put into me. That's why most of the time, I prefer being alone. Because when I'm alone, there's only good, loving, and radiating positivity surrounding me. 

Hence, by studying myself through metaphysics (because I like to back up what I claim with scientific proof), I am able to speak out my truth, my love, and my life. I am able to set boundaries from people who have no good intentions about me. I can now find peace knowing that whatever I do, the universe (or me) will bring it x10 to the person (good or bad), and I have peace knowing that God has always been by my side. My creator created me really WEIRDLY, yet fascinating. I would love to talk more about how my "blueprint" made me love myself even more. It's not the conceited way of loving. It's just crazy how God created me. I'm not special. But it makes me believe that I am. <3

My First Blog! (In The Modern Age)

 

My last cat, Gray, before I went into hiatus (taken on April 3, 2023 using A4TECH Camera)

    

    Hi! I know it's weird how the title sounds like I'm not from the Modern Age, well, I am, but I wanted to make it more obvious. And also, how the descriptions are just so well "descriptive" (mom always told me to never leave out the dates and even the small details such as the item type used when documenting things).

    I grew up having vague information about blogs, because I didn't know what it was for back then. I was still in elementary. And now, with the surge of social media users, influencers, marketers, entrepreneurs - everything and everyone is EVERYWHERE. As an "ambivert" person who loves being an introvert, both in the physical realm and digital realm, I just want a space where I can freely express my peculiar ideas & opinion without the noise of the public. I am very much well-aware that I will post this blog on my public accounts, but I know people who are intrigued by me are only going to get as far as here; not so much from people my age because they are busy creating their own personas in the uprising media streams, but people who are worthy enough to get to know me will have the guts to actually look into this lame old Blogger site. But again, this blog isn't for other people. It's still for me. That's why I don't care about my grammatical errors here, or my imperfections. I could resort to writing journals/diaries, but my handwriting is dedicated only for God (whenever I pray). Notice how I explain everything? Yeah coz people will and tend to QUESTION everything personal about me as if it's a debate.

Anyway, I think I would really love this site because I've searched about this and most people don't actually like this. And that's what I like, I am drawn to circumstances where there are less attention, so I can pour all my attention there. Which, in this case, is here! :) 

And, I don't like things that are toooooo organized or what we normally say "minimalistic", I've been in that phase, it sucked the soul outta me. It's good, if you want to follow the trend, some people have that taste tho and it's pretty neat, but personally, I prefer this. Whatever floats my boat. <3